[the rose fairy][roses are red and so is blood] :)

<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/2446063017632835228?origin\x3dhttp://the-masquerade-of-reality.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

* Welcome *

To Moi Bloggie :)
This Blog Is Best Viewed Using Mozilla Firefox

- click the words for navigation -

Friday, January 11, 2008

And I Am Tired Too...

Lots of ppl are feeling the tiredness lately....
The projects,the assignments,the test etc....
Thats what u called poly life....
Not forgetting that each person too has their other own personal problems....
And i am one of doz ppl too....
Im feeling soooo shooting tired....
Not onli that....
Ive not been myself lately....
Somehow my concentration is gone....
I can no longer multi task....
My brain works slower....
I ask dumb questions....for example,u can ask aameer about one of it...
I even ask for "salt without fries" at the McDonalds in sch....Ahakz...
Im becoming more BELO lately....
Like seriously....
And ive also been on MC for like 2 days in 1 week....
The first time i went,laz Thurs....
Haha...The doctor ask me if i want to be referred to the IMH or TTSH....
Cos from what i describe to the doctor....
She thinks that im having depression....
And it may get serious....
Oh well,wats w depression....
Ive been having it since i was like in pri sch...
I was the only and most troublesome girl among the rez in the class as always...
Continue to sec sch...
The worst was wen i was sec 4....
Where i start to cut my arm w broken glass....
Poke my fingers w dem as well....
It was a nice feeling....
Seeing blood flowing out of the body....
Woohoo...(And ryt now,i do have that urge to do it again...*winks*...haha)
My lonely moments was reduced during ITE....
With some of my cloz ITE clazmates....
But now since i start poly,it seems to be coming back....
I guess im not yet used to the hectic poly life yet....
Back to the story at polyclinic....
Obviously I decline the referral saying that if my depression really gets more worst by next month...then i will go for it....but do u ppl think i would even if it gets worst???LOL...
And on the recent Wednesday,i was on MC yet again....
For gastric....
Didnt do my C# test...
And ive yet to meet the teacher and sent my MC....
Today is the last day wani!!!
Get it done!!!
If not,u r so gona fail ur C#...
Which means u need to repeat another sem...
U wouldnt want that...
Do u???
Well,i went to clarke quay area w some of the MCG peeps juz now...
They were camwhoring....
Nice excellent pictures they took together....
Without me of coz....
Since i insist on not being in dem....
Not that i do not like to take pics....
But i do not want to spoil their pretty pictures....
Of the Models....
All so petite....
So pretty....
And the guys....
They were quite the models too....
And all doz couple photos they took together....
It was simply WOW too....
Some of dem was like keep asking me to be in d pics as well....
Especially Eli....
But i know that i wont look good....
So i had to decline....
Im sorry....
Im not as pretty as u all....
Nor am i as 'kecik' as u all....
It will look weird w me in there....
I hate to say this....
But at times....
I do feel stressed being around dem....
Ppl say size dont matter....
Its the heart that counts....
But we cant deny the fact that....
SIZE DOES MATTER after all....
i hate myself for somehow being the ONLY BIG SIZE girl in the class...
in the cca....
ever since i was in pri sch...
i hate it wen small size girls say they are fat....
i hate it wen small size girls say they need to diet....
i hate it wen small size girls refuse to eat....
coz they make me feel guilty....
coz they make me feel like im ENORMOUS....
coz they make me feel like im GLUTTON....
dont take me wrong....
i DONT HATE them....
i can understand their situation....
girls are girls after all....
they wana look pretty all d time....
itz juz soo common....
however,itz juz doz few words that they say....
that can destroy me slowly everytime they say it....
without dem realising it....
doz words that i keep hearing from dem....
sometimes i juz wish that i wasn there wen they say doz things....
coz im juz so sick and tired of hearing it....
not to mention....
it decreases my already low self-esteem and also increases my depression....
i juz feel like running non stop at times....
but i know that my condition ryt now wont allow me to...
coz im weak....
i get cramps easily....
my heartburn is starting back....
i cant stand cold that much too....
though my body feels warm...
but my nose feels like blood is going to flow out of it....
im juz weak and tired...
talking abt tired...
thnks alot to KY for carrying my bag while going up the fort canning and all the journey back to the mrt....
itz already 2.30 am ryt now....
my leg is feeling cramp yet again....
and im rather sleepy too...
c ya ppl around den...
meanwhile....
take care ppl....
don worri abt me....
im OK...seriously....

....Im Juz Plain Tired....
.:WaNiZ:.

posted at 1/11/2008 01:31:00 AM