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Sunday, November 11, 2007

5 More Days...

Itz 5 more days to the ERAya AntaraBangsa production....And also 5 More Days for me to think of my decision...Will i still be in PS after this or not???

I dont know why but for now,at this moment...i have this strong feeling that i will be leaving dem behind after this production...I dont know...Seriously as days go by...The feeling of family is still not there for me...This feeling sux let me tell u that...i do want to feel part of dem...but inside me...i juz felt empty at times...i felt like im an extra...not needed there...

Though supposingly i have a 'family' for my acting now...The Abu's Family...but that family feeling is also not there...itz way different from the laz production where i can see that the Rahim family really bond w each other as one family...but sadly this is not the case...i felt like Abu's family is made up of many individuals instead of one unit of family...which is why i think i cant bring out that mother/grandmother character very well...

For example,Melati and Abu...there is still that hinder of mentel2...i don feel like Melati is Abu's gf yet...yes,can see some mentel..but the full 'watak' is juz not there..once again we r 2 individuals instead of A COUPLE...possibly bcoz of the fact that i think syamim as syamim and not Abu...that syamim already has a gf...and that i shouldnt be mentel towards him..sometimes itz juz difficult for me to separate btwn the reality and the fantasy/imaginary...wen i act..i see dem as who dey are..not who r their characters...and possibly thats y the acting is not natural...

As for me n my 2 'daughters' n 2 'sons'..i don see dem as my children but who they are...Atiqah,Naqiah,Aameer n Khai S...they r my cca peeps..not my 'children',Idah,Lina,Aidil n Fitri...and so the way i treat them on stage is the way i treat dem as dey are,not the way i will treat my children one day....They may be calling me 'Mak' but i don feel like im their 'Mak','Mamaji','Mother'..yet all doz words is juz there to replace them calling me 'Wani'...

Juz like Melati and Amin...i dont see Amin as my neighbour whom i should be frenly with..but i see Amin as the real person he is...and thats where the trouble lies...U can never see Melati talking w Amin but instead Abu will be the onli one communicating w Amin...thnk god i need not do the part in d script where i have to speak to Amin abt his 'wife'..kalau tk...tak terkeluar lah perkataan2 tu sume dari mulut aku...

I seriously need to feel that 'family feeling' w dem...With Syamim as Abu,Melati's 'BF',and 'Husband' instead of Liana's BF...with Atiqah,Naqiah,Khai N Aameer as my 'kids',my lovely 'children' instead of my playful cca mates...i want to feel dat wen dey called me 'Mak',they really mean it...and to my CUCUs..when they called me 'Nenek' i have to feel like im a nenek and not myself...crazy self..ade ke nenek kasar mcm aku...haha...

5 More Days Wani..and i seriously hope that wen we practice at TFA,everything will fall to place and the feeling of the acting is there..and i hope to feel that family feeling of PS w dem during the camp...not juz as as individual but as one of PS...like how others felt...

Oh yes,and the props...muz get it done ASAP...Kat,Ismail,Ros!!!I know we can do this together...We can work on this together...and we will finish the props together....We can do IT!!

Btw i juz hope that few of doz yg takde keje mase blakang tabir tu...tolong2 lah sikit mase props in n out..jgn nk duduk situ goyang kaki je..tgk org lain buat keje...ckp je 'family' nk tolong each other,tapi bab ni..buat bodoh..sume harap nk ready je utk dorg masok...ape ke hal??!!!asalkan aku yg main role ni boleh ringankan tgn bawak props in n out,ape lagi dorg...yg moz of d time is not on stage...dh tak tau nk tolong buat props tu dhlh...at leaz tolong lah bawak masok kerusi ke...ni tk....duduk kat situ mcm prince n princess...den props tk siap...nk blame kitorg...kalau korg pandai sgt,korg buat lah props...Ish!!kan aku dh geram ni...sesungguhnya bersabar itu separuh dari iman..itu sebab aku sabar dgn perangai org2 mcm gini..kalau tk dh lame aku sound korg2...aku diam tk bermakne aku suke...n to someone:Stop Acting Like A Big Star!!!A Real Star Is D One Who Shine Naturally Without Being Overreacting!!!lets juz say im abit pissed off w u sometimes but other than that im OK w u...i juz hope that u don try too hard to get the limelight coz im sure that if u r true,the limelight will go to u somehow...pls2...i don wan to end up disliking u or any other ppl...

...Troubled,'Family'less and a bit Pissed Off...

.:WaNiZ:.

posted at 11/11/2007 01:22:00 AM