[the rose fairy][roses are red and so is blood] :)

<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/2446063017632835228?origin\x3dhttp://the-masquerade-of-reality.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

* Welcome *

To Moi Bloggie :)
This Blog Is Best Viewed Using Mozilla Firefox

- click the words for navigation -

Sunday, October 21, 2007

the 'yes halo' that sounds so wrong and insincere..

my heart was beating fast...as i right click on the person name and chose the 'send an instant message' button...hesitating..should i start talking to him??hmm..

well,my fingers kinda move on its own..i typed 'halo.' and enter...it was 3:23:42pm...realising wat i juz did..i suddenly felt nervous and restless..i cross my fingers...told jannah abt wat i juz did...

seconds later...the convo box is blinking...i max it...the reply...'yes halo'...it juz sounds wrong to me somehow...itz like he replied in a formal tone...u know like in a business or wen u r at the customer service counter picking up calls...it sounds like 'talk to me if u have something important to say,if not,juz forget it,don bother to continue this convo'...like wat khai said,itz hard in msn wen u dont know the body language or the facial expression of the person u were chatting with....it will sometimes make u assume wrongly esp wen the person u wana talk with is someone u r not happy with somehow...i was thinking should i continue chatting or not??den i was telling myself give urself another chance..go on..and so i brushed away the previous feeling of assumption ..hoping against hope that it will go smoothly coz i will not know wen wil b d next time i could gather that courage juz to type 'halo.' to him...and so...

my fingers typed again...' *his name* tgh buat ape?' and enter..crossing my fingers yet again...

look at other websites while nervously waiting for the reply...saw it blinking..max it...'tgh layan tetamu kat umah'....gosh...i donoe why but somehow i felt thats it..itz gona end here...and so my fingers start typing once again..this time quickly as i reali want to end it quick..

'ooh..sibok eh' enter...
'sori eh' enter..
'takpe2..lain kali bbual' enter..all d while thinking that wait long2 for the 'lain kali'...it will not be so soon...

quickly enuf,he replied 'ok lor'...done..fulstop..no other...'ok lor??' sounds to me like..'even if u don talk to me next time,i also cant be bothered...' thats it.case close..convo box close...no bye no nothing...my assumption he wasnt pleased to talk to me..which is why im so giving it up oredi..itz always like that..acuh tk acuh...somehow wen i tried to speak to him..he seems juz reluctant to talk to me too...itz like he somehow couldnt and mayb juz doesnt want to continue the convo and was expecting me to start it/continue the convo always..the onli time he will like say something..is when he comment on my acting...i know im not good...but plz do not always bombard me..i appreciate ur comment..i know u were trying to help me..but do it the right way...tell me in a way that it doesnt hurt my feeling...i dont know why..but im always hurt wenever u start to comment during or after the practice during debriefing time..somehow watever u comment has got something to do w me...aku tau mungkin kau ckp 'sape yg makan cili,die yg akan rase pedasnye'..tapi tolong lah...u don always like have to look at my direction wen making all doz comments ryt..even though i wasnt looking at u..but i know that ur eyes were on me..coz i can feel it...and ppl also tell me at times that u were indeed like looking at me while giving all that comment..."relax..take it easy"u say.."have fun"..how to have fun if u seem not to like me...if u werent there,i would have been better...somehow u juz hindered me from giving wats my bez...u make me feel insecure..u make me feel im not able to do it..u make me feel 'why should i be melati'...

that time wen we were having the 'committee' meeting regarding production..u keep emphasizing on budget while looking straight at me..u wana know how i feel that time??let me tell u...i juz feel like gorging ur eyes out...but it was during fasting mth..so i kept my chill...the way u look...it makes it seem that u were not confident of me being one of the props people..that im not gona be able to do my job well..that im gona cause an overbudget...and wen jannah ask u to help..u 'surrendered' urself..saying u don wana help..fine w me..i know mayb u were stil thinking of the laz production where i had make a mistake...and u thought that 'she's gona make a mistake in diz production too'..if thats how u think,id gladly give my responsibility as one of props person to u..u do it w d rez..i don mind...

thats not all,wen we were breaking fast...i told some of u that i want 'paru' from the indian rojak..ky ask u to help me take...u said 'wait' and continue eating..do u know that i was waiting for it???moments passed,u didnt even help me choose nor did u at leaz paz the rojak to me so that i can take it myself...no..not a help..it seems that u forget everything abt the paru..until the second time dat i say i want paru..u were still eating..it was ky or ismail who take it for me...i was pissed off,mind u..if u don wan to help me..cant u juz like say take it urself..instead of like totally ignoring the fact that i was waiting for it??i may sound petty talking abt this...juz bcoz of a paru,i dont like u..itz not abt paru here..i don mind if i couldnt get one..i can always buy it myself..but itz more of ur actions...ur seemingly unwillingness to help me...is this what u call as family???i guess u don treat me as one part of your family in PS like the rez...and if u really feel like that..den tell me too..so that i can juz stop bothering abt u...

u think i purposely wana dislike u???hey...im not...if u have to know im a 'pembalas'...if a person do good to me..i can be very good to the person too..but if the person juz find problem w me..i'll make sure that im gona do the same too...there are other things that makes me feel angry w u..but i didnt want to mention it coz,for wat??itz not as if u r gona care wat i feel or think about u...which is why i juz kept quiet all diz time...u r a happy-go-lucky-cant-be-bothered-what-ppl-gona-say-about-u type...but rmb not everyone is like u...im still trying to keep my cool...juz waiting for production to finish..if things dont change btwn us...i have already told jannah that im gonna be MIA...however,me going MIA does not onli depend on this,but other matters as well..oh well,why am i even telling u diz..i suppose u were happy if im not in PS anymore..u dont care,do u??im not important in MCG after all..im juz a newbie..and there can always be others who r gona take my place someday..someone who is much much better than me,someone who is so not gona make any mistake...one person gone is not a big deal to u...esp if that person is me...

for now lets juz forget that i ever said halo to u...there myt not be another next time...aku tk nk kau ingat yg aku ni mengharap sgt nk bbual dgn kau...mcm aku ni "hidung tk mancung,pipi tersorong-sorong"..aku sedar diri aku yg tidak sempurna ni...aku dh cube nk bbual dgn kau..tapi setiap kali aku cube..yg aku dpt hanye perasaan kecewa..aku dh serik nk bbual dgn kau..sampai lain kali..AE..apabila aku dh tk lag disakitkan hati oleh kau...

M I Ur Fren Or Foe???
.:WaNiZ:.

posted at 10/21/2007 03:56:00 PM